The Big Feelings Technique
Most of us live our lives lost in our minds with little connection to our body. But our body is a powerful resource for regulating our emotions.
While our thoughts are never-ending, quick and potentially overwhelming, our body is a concrete, solid container. It has edges and limits. It is the home in which we live.
Even if our heart is beating fast or our stomach is clenched, we have capacity to make changes to our body through simple practices like grounding, returning to the present and breathing, reminding ourselves that in the here and now, we are safe.
1. Start by coming back into your body
The first thing to do if you notice a big feeling arising is to return to your body.
Bring your attention to:
- Your feet in your shoes
- The weight of your body
- The surface supporting you
As you become aware of the earth beneath your feet or the chair you are sitting in, holding your weight, say to yourself, I am supported. Let your attention settle here for a few seconds.
2. Ground through the five senses
Once you feel more present in your body, gently orient outward using your senses.
Name, silently or out loud:
- Something you can see
- Something you can feel (fabric, air, pressure, temperature)
- Something you can hear
- Something you can smell
- Something you can taste, even the taste of your mouth
This returns you more fully to the present moment.
3. Notice the difficult feeling as sensation
Now turn your attention inward.
Ask:
- Where do I feel this in my body?
You might notice tightness, heaviness, heat, buzzing, pressure, or numbness.
Stay with sensation only. No analysing. No explaining.
4. Touch the feeling, then come back out
Let yourself feel the sensation for a few seconds.
Then deliberately return to:
- Your feet
- A sound in the room
- Something you can see
Move back and forth:
Sensation → senses → sensation → senses.
This is how you tolerate without overwhelming yourself.
5. Let your breath support you
Altering your breathing can help remind you that you are in control in the moment. Start by inhaling into your stomach. Let your exhale last longer than your inhale. In for four, out for five. In for five, out for six.
6. Keep checking your capacity
As you go, ask:
- Is this manageable right now?
If the feeling spikes, intensifies quickly, or you feel disconnected:
Stop.
7. Honour your limits
To develop capacity in any area of life, you have to be willing to move outside of your comfort zone. But that doesn’t mean you should white knuckle pain to the point of self-punishment. Being gentle with yourself and learning to honour your limits is important too.
Just like you wouldn’t go to the gym and try to lift the heaviest weight there on your first day, learning to tolerate discomfort doesn’t happen all at once. A little bit at a time is how real growth and change happens.
