When I was 14, I told a teacher at my school that my dad had broken into our house, tried to kill my mother and we had spent the weekend at a women’s shelter. I dropped this information in as casual a way as possible, like “no big deal, just so you know”. But I held my breath waiting to see what would happen in response.
What happened… was nothing. My teacher said “oh” and then quickly left the room. Neither she, nor any other teachers at my school, followed up with me. My disclosure was never mentioned again.
The police too, who came to my house that night after I called them, asked nothing about what happened, didn’t even ask if we were okay. As they drove us to the women’s shelter, they had surface conversations with us, talking about our budgie who we brought in the back of the car with, asking what grades my brother and sister and I were in at school. After they dropped us at the shelter, they didn’t follow up or check in on us in any way.
How these experiences broke my trust
These experiences were the first time I told anybody about what was happening at home. The lack of response I received from adults and institutions I had previously thought of as trustworthy, made me feel like I was all alone.
It confirmed what I had long suspected: my problems were my problems, nobody was interested, there was no support available and people who were meant to support you only let you down. I went back to keeping my own secrets, suffering in silence, and doing the best I could all by myself.
Mahatma Gandhi said, “A nation’s greatness is measured by how it treats its weakest members.” I understand that institutions have their own objectives. I understand that people don’t always know the right thing to say in emotionally charged situations. But if your business or institution interacts with children, you have a duty of care to them. Staff need to be trained, and guidelines need to be established, so everyone can feel better equipped to respond.
Children deserve to feel like they matter
On a broader level, we as a society, have a duty of care to children. Children deserve to feel like they matter and to know that there are people and places beyond their families who care about them.
My hope is that more organisations can step into a role of leadership on this issue, and become soft places to land for the children who need it most.
